Lost in Textlation: How Texting Can Wreck Relationships
Lost in Textlation: How Texting Can Wreck Relationships
I’ll be the first to admit it—I love texting. It’s quick, easy, and fits neatly into the chaos of life. You can send a thought in between meetings, a check-in during lunch, or a funny meme right before bed. But as much as I love it, I’ve also learned the hard way that texting can quietly chip away at relationships.
Here’s the truth: what I mean to say and what the other person hears are not always the same. I might send something lighthearted, and it lands as cold. I try to keep it short and efficient, and someone reads it as detached. Or I’ll make a joke, and the tone just doesn't translate—so instead of coming off as funny, it comes off as rude or passive-aggressive.
Texting removes the heart behind the message. There’s no facial expression, no voice inflection, no chance to interrupt yourself and say, “Wait, that’s not what I meant.” And because of that, it leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation. A lot.
Even the most well-intention messages can come across as dismissive or disinterested. A simple “Sure” or “Okay” might be a polite agreement on my end, but someone else might read it as cold, annoyed, or sarcastic. And once the misunderstanding is out there, it’s hard to take it back. That’s when the spiral begins—hurt feelings, awkward silences, or unnecessary arguments.
The problem is, texting makes it too easy to avoid real conversations. We can think before we send, edit our words, or simply choose not to reply at all. But with that control comes detachment. And relationships—real, deep relationships—don’t thrive on detachment. They grow through connection, vulnerability, and sometimes messy, imperfect conversations.
There are things I’ve tried to express through text that fell completely flat. Moments where I was trying to be kind but it sounded distant. Times I meant to be sincere, and I was told I sounded robotic. And the worst part is, I usually don’t realize the damage until the silence starts or someone tells me, “That really hurt.”
I’m learning that even though texting is my go-to, it shouldn’t be my only tool. Some things need to be said with a voice, or better yet, a face. An “I’m sorry.” A “We need to talk.” A “You matter to me.” Those deserve more than a glowing screen and a bubble of words.
So no, I’m not giving up texting. But I am working on being more intentional. I want to be clearer, kinder, and more thoughtful with my words. And I want to remember that the people I care about deserve more than just a message—they deserve me. Present, engaged, and fully there.
If you’ve ever had a conversation go sideways over a text, you’re not alone. And if you’ve ever sat there wondering, “Why did they take that the wrong way?”—I get it. I’ve been there. I’m probably still there, sometimes. But I believe we can all do better by slowing down, choosing the right words, and sometimes... just making the call.
Let’s not let convenience cost us connection.
—Dr. Nick
