It’s Okay Not to Forgive or Apologize

We’re often told that forgiveness is the high road. That apologizing—even when we’re not sure what we did wrong—is noble. That letting go of grudges makes us healthier, lighter, holier. And don’t get me wrong, there’s truth in some of that. But here’s a truth that doesn’t get talked about enough:

It’s okay not to forgive. And it’s okay not to apologize.

That’s a hard sentence to write as someone who was raised to believe the opposite. But sometimes, forgiveness becomes a performance—a scene played out not for your healing, but for someone else’s comfort. A ribbon on a wound that still bleeds underneath. A spoken phrase meant to bring them closure, while you’re left feeling unheard, unseen, and maybe even manipulated into silence.

We don’t like to admit it, but some people expect forgiveness like it’s owed. They want you to say “I forgive you” so they can check the box and move on—without doing the work. Without real remorse. Without accountability. And if you don’t offer it? Suddenly you’re the villain in the story. The bitter one. The one who’s “holding on” and “not letting go.”

But maybe you’re just protecting your peace.

And on the flip side, how many times have we apologized just to smooth things over? Not because we believed we were wrong, but because the tension was uncomfortable and we felt the pressure to make it go away. Sometimes that kind of apology feels like giving away a piece of yourself to make someone else feel better.

Look, I’m not suggesting we all turn cold and unbending. Grace matters. Mercy matters. And there’s deep power in genuine forgiveness and heartfelt apologies. But those things lose their meaning when we treat them like social obligations instead of soul work.

Some wounds require boundaries, not bridges. Some people don’t deserve access to your healing process. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is walk away without a word—and let silence speak what your spirit can’t.

If you’re not ready to forgive, that’s okay. If you’re not sorry, don’t say you are. You don’t owe peace to anyone who thrives in your chaos.

Forgiveness, when it’s real, is beautiful. But it should never be forced. And apologies, when they’re honest, are powerful. But they should never be hollow.

You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to heal at your own pace. And you are allowed to say nothing at all.

— Dr. Nick

Be kind. Be honest. And when in doubt, walk in truth—even if that means walking away.