Dating in Today’s Society: I’m Doomed

Ah, dating in today’s society—where chivalry is on life support, texting etiquette is a disaster, and "situation-ships" are somehow a real thing. Let’s be honest: I’m doomed.

First of all, where exactly am I supposed to meet someone? The grocery store? Because last time I checked, the only conversation happening in the produce aisle was me arguing with myself over whether or not I should buy the family-size bag of cheese puffs. Spoiler: I did.

Bars aren’t much better. The idea of shouting over loud music to someone who may or may not be listening sounds about as appealing as getting a root canal. And then there are dating apps. Oh, don’t even get me started.

Dating apps are like ordering fast food—you scroll through a menu of options, pick one that looks decent, and then realize you made a terrible mistake when it shows up in real life. Swipe left, swipe right, super like… it’s a full-time job. And let’s not forget the absolute art of online dating profiles. Everyone is “adventurous,” “laid-back,” and “loves to travel.” Meanwhile, I’m over here wondering why no one admits that their ideal Friday night includes eating tacos in sweatpants while re watching their favorite show for the forty-seventh time.

Then there’s the talking stage—which, for some reason, lasts longer than some people’s actual relationships. Instead of just saying, “Hey, I like you, let’s see where this goes,” we now have to decode text messages like we’re in an escape room. If someone texts “lol” at the end of a message, are they flirting? Are they bored? Are they slowly ghosting me? Who knows.

Speaking of ghosting, why is that even a thing? People out here treating dating like a Netflix show they got bored with, just disappearing into the abyss instead of saying, "Hey, I'm just not feeling it." No, instead, they vanish, leaving me staring at my phone like a rejected contestant on a reality show.

And let’s not forget the biggest issue of all: my corgis. Finding someone who can handle them is no small task. It’s a package deal, and frankly, they run the house. If you don’t like dog hair, judgmental side-eyes, or being aggressively herded into the kitchen when it’s dinner time, we’re not going to work out. If you think dogs shouldn’t sleep in the bed, we’re definitely not going to work out. If you don’t believe in sharing snacks… well, my corgis will have a serious problem with you.

My corgis also have an uncanny ability to sniff out red flags before I do. If they don’t like you, it’s over. They don’t trust you? Neither do I. If Cooper gives you a judgmental sigh, Willow shoots you the side-eye, or Winston stares at you like you just ruined his entire life, then I know you are not The One.

Now, maybe it’s me. Maybe I missed the memo on how to “date” in today’s world. Maybe I should start using emojis more strategically or figure out what the hell “low-key vibing” even means. But between the apps, the games, and the overwhelming number of dating trends that require an urban dictionary to understand, I think I’ll just stick to what I know. My corgis love me. Cheese puffs never ghost me. And at the end of the day, at least I don’t have to share my fries.

So, yeah. Dating in today’s world? I’m not holding my breath. But hey, if the right person comes along and can handle my corgis, my snack habits, and my general sarcasm? Well, then maybe—just maybe—I won’t be doomed after all.